Sunday, February 8, 2009

80/20 Rule




Tyler Perry’s movie, Why did I get married? brings up an interesting concept. Basically, the theory is that we need to find someone with 80% of the qualities we like and not think that a person who is only bringing 20% is the answer.

I absolutely love this theory because for at least 5 years, I’ve been trying to decide on what are my deal breakers in a relationship. But now I like this approach of applying the 80/20 rule. If I have a list of 10 things and I find someone who is 80% of those things most of the time then I have found myself a WINNER. So now, you might be wondering what’s on my top 10 list. After much thought and consideration, I have finally settled on the following 10 things (please note: this list is subject to change without notice.):

Disclaimer: This list is not necessarily in order of importance.

1. Constantly improving
2. Generous
3. Funny
4. Financially Stable
5. Has an active relationship with God
6. Loves kids (and preferably has some of his own, like maybe 3:)
7. Likes to travel
8. Physically Attractive
9. Romantic
10. Likes doing “manly” stuff (ex. Washing a car, cutting grass, etc.)

So, now that I’m armed with my list I feel like I can actually assess whether someone is what I’m looking for and not get distracted by physical attributes since that’s only 10 % of my list. What’s on your top 10 list?

11 comments:

Stesha said...

This was my top 10 list before I was married.

1. Loves God.
2. Loves children.
3. Ability to laugh at the small stuff.
4. Was aware of what his credit score was and the importance of it.
5. No debt.
6. Loved to worked.
7. Wasn't limited to stay in one place all the time.
8. He had to have respect for himself and othersl.
9. Has the ability to stand on his own.
10. A man who can cook.

from the desk of ....me said...

dag, girl. NO DEBT! that's a tough one. how many years have you been married?

renee said...

I loved that movie. Looks like you have a great list.

jada said...

Relationships require work, all relationships. If you have a partner that is willing and able to be open with improving themselves and the relationship I think that is half the battle. Of course, your premise should be to find someone that you are compatible with based on your "list". But it is a good idea to develop a list and see if your potential mate measures up. And see what things are "absolutes" and what are "nice to haves" and be realistic with yourself. If children are an "absolute" to you and not your suitor then perhaps it is not a match not matter how fine he/she is, as an example. And most of all, have fun! Dating is a process that you get to know yourself too.

Felicia - I complete Me said...

Gosh I don't know if I remember my top ten list, but here is what was important to me:
1. Loves God
2. Family Man
3. No kids
4. Loves to cook
5. Tall
6. Darkskin
7. Can see the beauty within me as well as on the outside
8. Independent
9. Not intimidated by a women who knows what she wants and will go get it.
10.Someone who is open minded.

Well my husband had a son prior to us meeting who he has raised on his own and as far as being tall, he's taller than me.

joanofalltrades said...

I'll ditto your 10 and replace #6 with has a sense of humor.

3 Bay B Chicks said...

Great post! Really got me thinking.

When I was a teenager, my top ten lists included "very important" qualities, such as, rich, nice car, likes to take me out, and, of course, thinks I am super hot.

Now that I am older and have kids, my standards have definitely changed. "Thinks I am hot" has been replaced with holds my hand when I am sad, is amazing with our kids, and doesn't care that I never comb my hair.

Are my standards slipping? :)

-Francesca

Helen said...

This is very interesting. I didn't have a top 10 list, but I spent some time in prayer for the right husband. I started out with a vague "whoever you think is right for me, God" prayer. Then I talked to a friend who said to pray in specifics. So I started asking for a good man who would be strong, have integrity, God fearing (though I did say if he were of my faith it would be a bonus), intelligent, a hard worker (though not a workaholic) and emotionally stable.

I got all that, and then some! But regardless of who and what you get, marriage is going to teach you some things about yourself. And it's important to be open to those lessons. It has helped me grow into a better person and helped my marriage be stronger.

wenbren explains it all said...

Great list on my top are: can clean after themselves, can iron their own clothes,and love to travel! Check out my new post and poll at WenbrenExplainsItAll!

Christie-A Work In Progress said...

I love this list! Dont ask me for mine...still working on it... Long story

Her Artichoke Heart said...

I hadn't heard the 80/20 rule before -- really interesting! I like your list. My list:

1. Smart
2. Interesting
3. Kind/moral
4. Funny/good sense of humor
5. Liberal
6. Is open to the idea of adopting kids one day, because I really really really don't want to be pregnant or go through labor, like, ever!!
7. Actually wants to be in a relationship
8. Emotionally healthy
9. Has a job he likes -- or if he doesn't like it, then it should at least pay well to compensate.
10. Hasn't lived in the same area of the country his whole life -- has been around.

Interestingly enough, the guy I'm dating now actually has exactly 8/10! #10 doesn't apply to him, but he is very interested in travel -- he just wasn't that interested in traveling alone. I was more hung up on #9, because if you don't like your job AND it doesn't pay well, um, what are you doing?? But now he has a plan to go back to school for something specific he really wants to do, so eventually #9 should apply to him.
I think that 80/20 rule is pretty accurate!