Sunday, June 5, 2011

Bye, Bye Spilled Milk

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Last week, my pastor touched on the notion of letting go and getting over things and not crying over spilled milk. Well, at today’s church service it finally hit me, I have got to let go of the spilled milk in my past. I just realized that when we constantly replay events of the past it keeps them alive and unfortunately, it keeps us stuck in the past. We are unable to see clearly about our future and most importantly, our present. As I was sitting in church thinking last year this time I was in the midst of planning a wedding. Wait a minute, I am really thinking about some stuff I was doing 365 days ago, that has absolutely NOTHING to do with me now. What a major waste of emotional energy!!!! I told myself, “Self, you have got to let it go. You need to write down (or in this case, type) all the spilled milk you are no longer figuratively and some times literally crying over. So here’s my spilled milk list. These are things that I have held on to for way too long and it’s time to let them go…move on..and embrace the now and look expectantly to a better future. I am learning that it’s okay to let things go. You can still learn from the experience without fear of repeating the same mistake if you just let it go. Learn the lesson, apply the lesson but let the event (the spilled milk) go. So as I was saying, here it is my spilled milk list and just so that you can see how long I’ve been holding on to some things I’ve put the number of years that I’ve been holding on to it in parenthesis:

• The wedding that didn’t happen and the failed relationship (1 year- I never imagined that I would get engaged and then have to call off the entire relationship, not just the wedding.  However, replaying the wedding details and the relationship won't change the fact that I didn't get married and that I stayed in a relationship long past it's expiration date.)
• The ex that I broke up with because he didn’t want to get married
(11 years- I know it’s sad but really I had no idea I’ve been holding on to this one so long.  But I guess since I keep replaying it and even kept in touch for a bit it made it seem like just yesterday that we broke up.)
• The fact that I had a child and wasn’t married
(4 years and counting. Now this one I have got to let go of. I can’t change the past and no matter how long I hold on to this one it won’t change the fact that I wasn’t married when I had my wonderful son. So I need to accept the fact and forgive myself and focus on being the best mother I can be to my child.)
• The fact that I’m not married
(13 years and counting. I have been beating myself up for years about this one. I’m sure my close friends are happy that I’m publicly announcing that I’m letting this one go. Since, it’s become a bit of an obsession. I just think about it and try to make it happen and then I'm sad, depressed, angry, and downright mad that it hasn’t happened. So after 13 years and some change, I’m letting it go.  I really feel like it’s time. I feel like it’s a monster I created that I should name since we’ve spent over a decade together.)

In closing, I am really saying that I’m trusting God’s Word and who HE is. In Romans 8:28, It says “and we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose. (NKJV- New King James Version)

So in other words, all things work for good to those that are called according to HIS purpose. It doesn’t’ say some things but it says ALL things so I have to know that all the spilled milk that I’ve refused to let go of has been meant to work for my good. It’s not easy but it sure is a more peaceful space to just trust God and know that in the end He has my best interest in mind. As always, I love to end with a question so what's the spilled milk that you need to let go of because it’s stinking up your present and your future?