I'm Engaged!!!!!

This past Tuesday, I got engaged. As you can imagine, I am quite excited and still floating on cloud nine. It's kinda weird now when I look down and see my ring. It really helps me see that God's grace is truly amazing and things really do work according to His awesome plan. Last week, it seemed like manfriend and I had been dating FOREVER. When in actuality, it's only been 17 months. I guess when you hit 30, months feel like years. It's almost like I was counting each month in dog years or better yet, single woman over 30 years.


Now, that I'm engaged it's been hard to make the switch in titles. I keep telling the engagement story and saying my friend or manfriend instead of my fiancé. However, for some strange reason I feel like I need to be engaged a certain amount of time before I can call him by his new title. It's funny because I've waited for this moment for what seems like an eternity yet I'm finding it difficult to grasp. I really feel like I'm dreaming and that this can't possibly be happening to me.


After a few long-term relationships and oodles of hurt feelings and tears, I just can't believe that my day has come. I swear I used to cringe when people were like, "Guess, what?" Of course, I'd fake it and act excited. However, it felt like a jab in my side every time someone told of how they met some guy, dated for a few months or a few years, and now they're getting married. Meanwhile, I just felt like I was sitting on the sidelines waiting to get in the game. I kept feeling like that kid who nobody picks for their team. So now that I have officially been picked, I am so sensitive to those around me. While I can't front, my world is different in a good way and that a HUGE monkey has been lifted off my back. I don't want my happiness and excitement to cause anyone else any unnecessary pain. So I just pray that during this time of my life, I don't fill my bucket at the expense of dipping into someone else's. I pray that this season proves to be a source of joy for all those around me.

Happily Ever After

As a woman I must admit that I have fallen victim to the Happily Ever After theory. It seems like I have been brainwashed into thinking that all my woes will be healed when Prince Charming comes and rescues me by making me a Mrs. However, with each passing year of being single, I must admit that the Happily Ever After motto doesn’t quite seem as appealing. I mean really isn’t that a lot of pressure to put on a guy. Clearly, no one can make all things right and heal all the bruises of life. I do think that Happily Ever After should be expanded to a counsel type approach. At any given time in my life, I have a counsel of friends that collectively meet all of my needs. I have a friend who provides me with wisdom as I continue to develop my relationship with God. While I have friend who is uninhibited and encourages me to take risks and try new things. I also have my financially savvy friend who is always willing to share her latest money saving tips. Finally, I have my man-friend who continues to fill my bucket in new and creative ways. So what do you think, does happily ever after just occur in fairy tales?

The Love of My Life

Since this is the last Sunday in February and thus my last post focusing on love and relationships, I decided to write about the love of my life.

Have you ever loved someone so much that…

You secretly wish that he would never leave your presence and that you could
spend every single minute together?

You watch him sleep because you just can’t take your eyes off of him?

You literally hang on to his every word, just waiting to see what he’ll say next,in fact sometimes you ask stupid questions just to hear his voice?

You would rather spend a lifetime in hell with him, than be in heaven without
him?

You know in your mind, body, and soul that you all are absolutely perfect for
each other?

You can’t remember what life was like before you met him?

You smile so big when you see him that sometimes your face hurts?

You talk about him every chance you get to anyone who will listen?

You spend way too much money buying him stuff he probably doesn’t even
need?

You thank God for him so much that God must be sick of hearing you say his
name?

At this point, I know you all are wondering who is this person?
The love of my life is …my son!!!!!!!!!!!

80/20 Rule

Tyler Perry’s movie, Why did I get married? brings up an interesting concept. Basically, the theory is that we need to find someone with 80% of the qualities we like and not think that a person who is only bringing 20% is the answer.

I absolutely love this theory because for at least 5 years, I’ve been trying to decide on what are my deal breakers in a relationship. But now I like this approach of applying the 80/20 rule. If I have a list of 10 things and I find someone who is 80% of those things most of the time then I have found myself a WINNER. So now, you might be wondering what’s on my top 10 list. After much thought and consideration, I have finally settled on the following 10 things (please note: this list is subject to change without notice.):

Disclaimer: This list is not necessarily in order of importance.

1. Constantly improving
2. Generous
3. Funny
4. Financially Stable
5. Has an active relationship with God
6. Loves kids (and preferably has some of his own, like maybe 3:)
7. Likes to travel
8. Physically Attractive
9. Romantic
10. Likes doing “manly” stuff (ex. Washing a car, cutting grass, etc.)

So, now that I’m armed with my list I feel like I can actually assess whether someone is what I’m looking for and not get distracted by physical attributes since that’s only 10 % of my list. What’s on your top 10 list?

My Life Pie

Since the most romantic holiday is found in February, I've decided to spend this month focusing on love and relationships.



Recently, I met an amazing man who is constantly on my mind. So much so that it takes a deliberate effort to not write blog post solely about him and how he makes me feel. He and I have debated about this topic because he feels like love and relationship posts are more interesting. My argument is that while I am sooooo enjoying this season with him, he is not my entire existence. I still have myself , my children, my friends, my church, work and a whole host of other things that bring me enjoyment. I am hesitant to have my post focus primarily on my relationship with him because in the big picture it should not consume me. It should really only constitute a slice of my Life Pie, not be the entire pie. What do you think, how much of your Life Pie do you devote to romantic relationships?

Letter to My Man-Friend

Hi Sweetie,

I’m sad to say that things aren’t all peaches and cream. Instead they seem to be a lil …ummm, sweet and sour. To be honest, I just don’t feel like a priority. It almost seems like I’m an afterthought. Lately, your schedule has been quite busy with man time activities (i.e. hanging out with your boyz). Now don’t get me wrong, I would never want to discourage male-bonding time but dag can a sister get a little quality time. I mean every time I try to do something with you, you’re like “Sorry, I had told Craig and ‘em that I would chill with dem. Sorry, see ya when I see ya.” I do hope that this is just a bump and not a pot-hole on our journey. I really am confident that you will become better at balancing Craig and ‘em , and me. Have a wonderful day and I guess I’ll see ya when I see ya.

Until Later…
me

Don't Force It

Ouch…is all I can say about a recent encounter at work. I absolutely love to read. So as I was walking past someone’s office I noticed a book I had heard great reviews about. I peeped my head into this person’s office and asked,"Have you read that book pointing to the book?”, I should I have known that things were quickly going downhill when the person didn’t turn around upon hearing my question. But hey…I kept going and asked if possible could I borrow the book? I could immediately since the tension my question created and quickly said, “Oh is it special to you. No problem, I check out books from the library all the time. Don’t worry about it. I can definitely find it at the library.”

Office Mate: Oh, it’s just that whenever I’ve loaned out my books, I don’t get them back.

Me: Oh, I totally understand (even though, I really don’t. I just wanted this whole awkward situation to end as soon as possible.)

Office Mate: You can borrow it if you can find me another book to serve as a bookend.

Me: No, that’s okay. I can definitely find it at the library. Have a good day.


What I’ve Learned from this encounter……
This situation could have totally been avoided if I had kept my mouth shut.


Keep it short and sweet at work and don’t force interactions.

Has this ever happened to you…you’ve tried to be too friendly to someone at work?

What's your platinum-level gift?

I received a text saying – I MADE IT! from my 16 year old cousin. I knew immediately that she had made the dance team. I was very excited for her and wanted to get her a congratulatory gift. So when I got home, I asked her what she would like. I gave her some options: a platinum level, gold level, silver level, and bronze level gift. She thought hard for a moment and began to tell me her “leveled” gifts.

Platinum level = An IPod or any MP3 player
Gold level = A pair of jeans
Silver level = A promise to come to a least one performance
Bronze level = I don’t know I can’t think of anything else

Since Christmas has just passed, I began to wonder what gifts I would have liked to receive. Here is my “leveled” wish list:

Platinum level = The Kindle
Gold level = An IPod
Silver level = An hour massage at Spa Sydell
Bronze level = Bath and Body’s New Fragrance – Black Chamonille

As I was thinking of these items, it was great to see that “technically” I could buy all these gifts myself. However, I’m really trying to get out of debt and don’t NEED any of the above gifts. I really can’t rationalize buying anything, other than a few Bath and Body products.

Sooooooooo, what's your platinum-level gift?

It's so distracting to meet a new man...

I really have found that I absolutely HATE to meet someone new because I tell ya, I get so distracted. I can’t concentrate. Instead, I find myself daydreaming about the possibilities and replaying our most recent conversations. Or now in the age of technology, I am rereading emails and text messages. It’s totally ridiculous!!!! I swear I don’t get anything done because I’m so distracted by the possibilities. Ladies, you know what I’m talking about…Is this my Neo(like from The Matrix)?,Does he like to travel? How will our next date go or shall I say first date since at this point, I’ve only seen him once (and that was when we met.) I really am embarrassed that I’m so easily distracted from the more pressing issues in my life…like how to be debt-free, or what’s for dinner? Anywho…while I do really hate that I’m so distracted, I do LOVE the fact that I have someone to daydream about who is hopefully daydreaming about me too. So what's distracting you from being more productive these days?

Are You a Filler or a Dipper?

I just finished listening to a great book on tape called How Full Is Your Bucket? The focus of the book was that the majority of our interactions are either positive or negative. We rarely have neutral interactions. So the book begins by asking the reader to think of his/her last interaction, was it positive or negative? If it was positive, then she had just filled someone’s bucket and if not she had dipped from someone’s bucket.

I, of course, immediately thought of my most recent interaction and am proud to say that I did indeed fill someone’s bucket. However, the book clearly defines that one must fill buckets without dipping into other’s buckets. Now, it gets tricky. Did I just make someone feel good at the expense of someone else? In my most recent interaction, I didn’t. But I can sure think of some times when I’ve done some serious dipping to fill someone else's bucket.

The book posed a challenge to make a conscience effort to fill at least one person’s bucket everyday. You could put a “drop” in their bucket by giving verbal praise, lending a helpful hand, giving an unexpected gift, leaving a voice mail, or sending an email or text. How cool would it be if we all began to make a conscience effort to be fillers and not dippers?

So, I’ll ask the question again…are you a dipper or filler?